Recently, our lovely friend Charles emailed us an article titled "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying" written by a woman who worked in palliative care. Based on her experiences, people wished that they had kept in touch with friends more, had been open with their feelings, had allowed themselves to be happier and hadn't put work before their spouse and children. But the number one thing that people regretted was living according to the expectations of others rather than their own.
Isn't that intense? I mean, imagine living an entire life and right at the end admitting you never did the things you wanted to do, only those that other people thought you should. I bring this up not because it's particularly uplifting for a Thursday morning but because I occasionally hear people say what a waste of time, money and energy it is to get on a boat and sail away for a few years, and before I read this article, it was kind of getting to me. After all, these are my top earning years, and I really should be adding to the baby boomers' Social Security fund.
However, I've decided that calling sailing a waste of time, money and energy is essentially a silly argument. Depending on your perspective, anything that anyone does is a waste of these three things. A walk in the woods, sleeping, sitting in traffic, having children - all a waste of time, money and energy. Even working can be a waste of time, money and energy because you could always be doing something more lucrative. Pretty much the only time I can think of where you wouldn't be wasting time, money and energy would be if you're frozen at 0 degrees Kelvin. And who wants to live at absolute zero? No one I know. At any rate, I'm guessing I'd rather put up with a few judgmental people than realize as I lay dying that I hadn't done at least a few of the things I find worthwhile. Though, I admit, I still feel a tad guilty about the baby boomers and their Social Security.
One word: jealousy.
ReplyDeleteNo... two words: Don't Listen.
Yep, cover your ears. Here's what I think. You are on a mission for peace. You are doing your job in that department by being Americans going out to see the world and bringing your wonderful selves to the task. More people should be doing this, both young and baby boomers (who, incidently, will probably get their social security. There are a lot of us. We have a little clout.). If more people like you and Vlad did this, traveling the world, enjoying themselves and others, and generally spreading kindess, the world would be a more peaceful place. Tell the nasty naysayers that you are on a mission for peace, that it's top secret, and they don't have the clearance necessarily to discuss it with you.
Or you could just say, "I'm going to die happy. What about you?"
Ooh, I like the mission for peace idea! Especially if it's top secret. For some reason, people already think we're undercover agents, probably because they don't believe the names! Anyway, it's only a handful of folks who have expressed that to me, and I honestly think they mean well. I just thought the article was interesting and fit in with going on an outside-the-box kind of voyage. And I'm glad the boomers are going to make it without me!
DeleteIt is fascinating that living according to other's expectations is number one. As a therapist, I spend a lot of time helping people differentiate between their own ideas and those of the influential folks around them. I imagine a whole lot of dreams go down the drain because people are afraid of losing the love of those who matter most to them if they think for themselves and live according to their own ideas. Can you imagine wanting to do something like live on a boat and having a spouse who didn't share that idea of fun? Brutal. We're among the very lucky ones.
ReplyDeleteIt really is fascinating, and who knows if those expectations are real or just what people think others think. Ugh, the human psyche is a mess sometimes. Good on you for trying to help folks sort it all out!
Delete